


Trying To Make it Up To You

by Nirvana4life



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Blood, Coma, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, Family Angst, Friendship, Hurt, I will add more tags as I go, Losing Control, M/M, Magic, Minor Injuries, Old Friends, Pain, Past Relationship(s), Sad, Sad Memories, Simon and Raphael are from the show but Malec is from the books, Vampire Alec, dream - Freeform, ok so this is a weird combo of the show and the books
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2018-07-12 21:05:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7122544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nirvana4life/pseuds/Nirvana4life
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been 100 years since Magnus had last seen the love of his life, Alec Lightwood. And they had not left on good terms, as Magnus had ended it in the subway tunnels after the whole thing with Camille. Magnus had run away and never came back, but who cares now, Alec is long dead, or is he? Magnus can't shake the thought of Alec out of his head when he saw a girl with his eyes at the park. Will this girl be the answer to all of Magnus's regret? Or will his entire life turn to shit?</p><p>In which Alec and Magnus never got back together, and Magnus is trying to fix his broken life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eyes Are The Window To The Soul

Magnus wasn’t one for reminiscing, mostly because all his memories were laced with sadness. And he realized at a young age that being immortal was hard, and it only made it harder to think on about the past. And all the things and people he had lost over the course of his 400 years. He chose to to live in the now, he found it easier that way, because he wasn’t so sad, or so he told himself. But he couldn’t help how his heart broke when he saw her. 

That day he decided to take a walk in Central Park, after all it was his first day back in New York for god knows how long, and he had always like that park. He was enjoying his stroll, looking up at the sky when a little girl no more than two, ran right into his legs, causing him to stumble trying not to smush her. Magnus has always liked children, even though he didn’t have any of his own as warlocks were sterile, he always had a soft spot for them.

He bent down to get eye level with the girl as she seemed frozen in place, “Well hello, nice to meet you!” He said as he put a dazzling smile on his face. The little girl was staring at the floor, obviously scared as she had just ran into a stranger. “Hey buttercup, it's okay you don’t have to be scared, where’s your parents.” Still no response from the little girl, she was a cute little thing, she was strikingly pale, with jet black hair that was pulled into two pigtails on the side of her head. She wore a light pink sundress, with brown sandals that laced up her small calves, that she was staring intently at like they held the secrets to the world. 

With his hand, Magnus produced a butterfly out of the blue wisps of his magic, and floated it in the view of the girl. Catching her off guard she gasped and then giggled as it came close and landed on her nose. Magnus’s heart stopped, and his breathe caught in his throat as the little girl looked up, and he finally saw her eyes. 

Two bright blue orbs that were shining bright with excitement and wonder as she tried to catch the blue butterfly Magnus had produced. 

Memories flashed through Magnus’s head, memories of a boy with black hair, that would fall in front of his bright blue eyes. Memories of him smiling and laughing, like the girl in front of him. Of him leaning in to kiss Magnus, and the look of pure smugness in those eyes as he caught Magnus by surprise. His face full of bliss, and eyes blown out wide with lust, as Magnus thrusted into him. Or when they were fogged over with sleep, right after he woke up. Memories of a boy that Magnus had loved, still loves.

He got snapped back to the present as the little girl let out a shriek as the butterfly circled her and landed on her head. Magnus smiled as he created a second butterfly to go with the first, the little girl let out a squeal of laughter. Just as he started to wonder about the little girls parents he heard a male’s voice shouting in the distance. As the man got closer Magnus realized the man was shouting a name. 

“JULIA, JULIA, WHERE ARE YOU JULIA?” Magnus looked at the little girl as she dances around trying to catch the butterflies, seemingly unfazed by the screaming. “JULIA!” The voice was getting closer, Magnus frowned as he swore he had heard that voice before. “Dios mio, there you are!” A voice from behind him said, rushing past him at lightning speed, picking up the girl and hugging her to his chest. Magnus smiled recognizing him immediately, and stood up from his crouch.

“Hello Raphael, nice to see you again.” Magus straightened out his stylish maroon jacket as said man looked up from checking over the girl in his arms to finally acknowledge the man. His eyes widened upon recognition and he tensed as a look of worry crossed his face, and just as quickly as it came it went, as he schooled his features and placed a smirk on his face. 

“Well look who finally decided to come back to New York after what, 200 years was it?” Raphael questioned as he placed the girl’s legs on each side of his hip, so she was straddling his side, and he popped out his hip for balance. The little girl was still reaching for the butterflies that were now flying above Raphael’s head. 

“Mmm, no more like a hundred years, but you were close enough” Magnus smiled, as Raphael chuckled and looked back at the little girl in his arms. Magnus sighed, curiosity getting the best of him, “So, who’s adorable little thing is this?” He asked gesturing to girl in his arms. Raphael stiffened for a brief second, and tightened his grip on the girl, before he smiled at Magnus as if nothing had happened. It was brief and quick, but Magnus saw it and decided to file it away for later as Magnus put a smile on his face as well, as if he hadn’t noticed. 

“Aww, she’s the daughter of an old friend, I look after her when they are busy. Isn’t that right Julia.” Raphael cooed at the little girl, who tore her eyes off of the butterflies for the first time since Magnus had created them, to smile brightly at Raphael.

“Yeah, I wike staying with Uncle Raffy cause he gives me ice sceam” Raphael laughed and Magnus smiled at the girls baby accent. 

“Yeah well, since you decided to run away from me and almost give me a heart attack I don’t think we are gonna get ice cream today” Raphael teased, as the little girl’s eyes widened in sadness and she shook her head quickly.

“NOOOO RAFFY PEASS I LUV ICE SCEAAM PEAASSEE!!” she begged as she attached her mouth to his cheek in a sloppy, wet kiss causing him to laugh.

“Alright alright we will get ice cream” he yelled in defeat as he tilted his head away from the little girl’s mouth. She pulled away and giggled, clearly pleased with herself. Magnus was too busy smiling and laughing to realize what was off about Raphael. Magnus gasped as realization hit,

“Sunlight! SUNLIGHT! RAPHAEL YOU ARE WALKING IN THE SUNLIGHT!” Magnus shouted, as he tried, but failed to cover Raphael from the sun, causing him to burst into laughter. 

“Don’t worry amigo, i’m a daylighter now, if I wasn’t, I think I would have already been dead, even with your futile attempts to save me from the sun.” He said, still laughing at Magnus’s reaction. Magnus shook his head,

“Well hell, when did that happen?” Magnus said in disbelief. Raphael looked at the little girl as she giggled softly, attention being lost on the conversation and went back to the butterflies that were still flying around the two. 

“Back after you left, the war with Sebastian got really bad, and being the leader of the clan I decided to side with the nephilim as it looked like the best option for us vampires. Things happened and I ended up drinking some of Jace’s blood to survive, and just like Simon, I became a daylighter.” As Raphael talked his smile got wider, clearly becoming a daylighter meant a lot to him, as it should have. Magnus couldn’t imagine being alive for as long as Raphael had and not being able to go out into the sun. Magnus shivered at the thought. 

“That’s awesome my old friend, and Simon, is he still around?” At the mention of Simon Raphael chuckled, and his face lit up.

“Ah, yeah he’s not dead if that’s what you mean, he is still a vampire obviously, but he’s happy” Raphael smiled as if he was really far away and he sighed, Magnus narrowed his eyes at him,

“Awww so you two are a thing now.” Magnus said, as more of a statement rather than a question. This caused Raphael to smile wider, and Magnus thought that this was the most he has ever seen Raphael smile in the entire time that he had known him. With his free hand Raphael rubbed the hair at the back of his neck,

“Um...uh…yeah me and Simon are going out.” Raphael replied a little hesitantly, and Magnus could not imagine why he would be, it’s not like he didn’t know that Raphael was bi, hell most immortals are. But Magnus chose to ignore the hesitation, and smiled brightly,

“Wow, how long have you guys been dating?” Magnus asked curiously, he remembered when Simon had first been turned into a vampire, Raphael couldn’t shut up about him. Always talking about how annoying he was, or how he didn’t know anything when it came to being a vampire, and how much Raphael had despised him. My how things have changed. 

“Dios, well we became really good friends after you left, we all did, and after the war ended we just kinda fell for eachother, so I would say like pretty much the entire time you have been gone” Raphael happily replied, all Magnus could do was stare in awe at how happy Raphael was, really truly happy. Magnus smiled for what felt like the thousandth time that day.

“That’s great, that’s really great, I would love to stay and catch up more but I have to go to a downworlder meeting, I just get back and I already have to go to those.” Magnus sighed as he was not in the mood to listen to people drone on about things that held no interest to him. Raphael’s eyes widened,

“Oh uh, you're going to that? He asked clearly not too pleased with this new piece of information. Magnus frowned, clearly missing something, 

“Um yeah I am, why is that a problem? Hey and shouldn’t you be attending that meeting too, seeing that you are the leader of the night children or aren’t you?” Magnus questioned, narrowing his eyes as he spoke, Raphael chuckled as adjusted the little girl, Julia who was was long past interested in the butterflies, and took up playing with Raphael’s jacket, higher up onto his hip.

“You have been gone for too long Magnus, you’ve missed much.” He shook his head as he continued, “yes I still am in charge on the night children, but I no longer run all of New York, well not by myself anyways, two of my children help me run New York as I realized that it was to big of a job for one person” Magnus’s eyes widened in shock, Raphael had been one of the most untrusting vampires he had even known, and to think that he is now co-ruling the night children made his head spin. Then all of a sudden it clicked,

“Does one of those lucky people happen to be Simon?” Magnus questioned teasley cocking his head to one side, Raphael chuckled,

“As a matter of fact, yes Simon in one of the two people helping me run New York, but me and him will not be attending the meeting tonight my other co-leader will be.” Magnus frowned at that as he had no idea who that might be, he furrowed his brow,

“And who might be this third person” Raphael chuckled, as he rolled his eyes, which landed on the small girl in his arms, who had started to doze and rested her head in the crook of Raphael’s neck. 

“That I am not going to tell you, I don’t have a death wish,” Raphael smiled as he chuckled softly, confusing Magnus “Well I should probably go, this one is obviously tired, and you have a meeting to get to, goodbye nice seeing you Magnus.” He said politely standing up straighter and readjusting Julia’s head so it wouldn’t roll around as he walked. Magnus still really confused decided to dwell on what Raphael had said later, and plastered on a smile, this one not genuine. 

“Nice seeing you too, maybe me you and Simon can get together and catch up sometimes” Magnus said, Raphael chuckles as though Magnus’s suggestion was barbaric. 

“Yeah maybe” He replied trying to control his laughter, “we’ll just have to see how circumstances unfold” Magnus gave him a puzzled look, but decided to ignore it as he looked at the sleeping girl in his arms,

“Oh and I definitely want to meet this old friend of yours, they are obviously beautiful as they made this adorable thing!” Magnus said gesturing to the sleeping girl. Raphael burst into laughter at that, confusing Magnus further,

“Yeah you would probably think that, and I don’t know how well that meeting is gonna go.” Magnus was getting annoyed at all this secrecy, it felt like he was missing something huge, and Raphael wasn’t telling him anything, maybe he would get more information out of Simon he thought. 

“Right I better head off Raphael, nice seeing you again” Magnus smiled and Raphael nodded as they turned and walked in opposite directions. After meeting the little girl, Julia, and the strange conversation he had with Raphael, his thoughts were spiraling. And in the center was none other than Alexander Lightwood. 

Magnus sighed, and rubbed his hands through his hair to keep himself from crying, messing up the style. He hasn’t seen Alec in over 100 years, and by now he was long dead. Magnus can’t help but think back to the last time he saw Alec. Back in the subway tunnels when Magnus had learned that his beloved Alec was talking to Camille behind his back, talking about shortening his life. Alec had told him he wasn’t going to, and Magnus had believed him, but that doesn’t mean he had forgiven him. Aled had gone behind his back to talk Camille when Magnus had clearly told him to stay away from her. And even if Alec had said he wasn’t going to shorten his life, he had still thought about it, and that is what hurt. 

Alec didn’t trust him, he never did, no matter how many times Magnus would try to tell him that he loved him, and reassure him that what they had was real, but it was never good enough him, he was always second guessing himself. 

Magnus thought about their last kiss, and all the hurt and sadness that it held. Magnus had said it was over, Magnus had been the one to end it, and the look on Alec’s face when Magnus had said that he never wanted to see him or any of his friends again was enough to push Magnus to go to London for a while. He had no idea that he would stay there for over 100 years! 

When Magnus had left Alec, he had thought in a couple of years he would come back and see if he could reconcile. But year after year had past and Magnus could not get over what Alec had done, and when he finally had, it was too late. 

He sighed, and shook his head, trying to shake away the tears that had spilt over his eyes without his consent.

This is why Magnus hated reminiscing, because all his memories led to sadness and regret. And one of his biggest regrets was not coming back for Alexander Lightwood. He sighed, there was no point in thinking about this now, as there was no way to change what had already happened. All he could hope for was that Alec had lived a long and happy life...without him.


	2. It's Like Losing You All Over Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus is in for a surprise, and maybe even some day-ja-voo. Can he handle his heart being shattered? Is this some sort of universal pay-back? Or maybe Magnus could have avoided all of this, if he would have just pulled his head out of his ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

After Magnus had gotten himself together, which took a lot more time then he had thought it would, he decided to go back to his flat to touch up on his ruined makeup and hair. Getting ready was one of Magnus’s favorite thing to do, as he was able to clear his head, and focus on the task at hand. But today it just wasn’t working, he poked his eye twice trying to do his eyeliner, and pulled out all his eyelashes on his left eye with his eyelash curler. He had to grow them back with magic, and ended up having to redo his entire eye, as his tears had smudged his purple eyeshadow! It was a bit hard to focus as he kept being flooded by memories, memories when he used to share this apartment with Alec. Magnus had to take little breaks in between getting ready just so he wouldn’t start balling and have to redo his face again! 

When Magnus had finally declared that he was presentable enough two hours has gone by, and the meeting started an hour ago. He sighed, the struggle of being beautiful was exhausting he thought as he pulled on a heavier black coat over his thin maroon jacket, and headed outside to confront the cruel world. Okay maybe that was a bit overdramatic, but he really didn’t want to go to this stupid meeting. All he really wanted to do was crawl up into a little ball on his pink fluffy couch with a tub of chocolate ice cream, and binge watch project runway. He shook his head and sighed, ‘well there’s always tomorrow’ he thought, as he rounded the corner and stopped in front of what looked to be an abandoned building. 

Magnus stared hard at the building, and slowly but surely he began to peel away the glamour and was able to see the grand building underneath. Magnus loved doing this, loved to slowly strip away the layers of the mundane world, to a place where demons and fairy tale creatures really existed. Magnus slowly walked up the few steps the building had, and opened the door as quietly as he could. 

Once inside he looked around at the medieval decor and frowned, he hated medieval. He wondered around the front room a bit, trying to delay the inevitable, when he heard voices coming from one of the many closed doors. Magnus rolled his eyes, as he walked to where the voices were coming from, as he got closer he realized that it was not multiple voices he had heard, but one, a voice of a man. Magnus furrowed his brow as he could have sworn that he recognized that voice, he shook his head, as he must be imagining it. 

Right outside of the door Magus took a deep breath and plastered on a dazzling but dangerous smile, as he opened the set of french doors and stepped in. All attention was on him as the entire room tore their eyes off of the man to see who had just walked in, some were smiling and calling out to him, naturally Magnus would greet them back with a smile, but he couldn’t move as his feet glued themselves to the floor, and his heart had dropped into his feet. A chill ran over his body and his jaw dropped open, all he could do was stand there like an idiot, and stare at the man who was standing in the middle of the room. The man had his back turned to him, but Magnus would recognize him anywhere, doubt filled his mind anyways as his eyes clearly must have been playing tricks on him. The man then turned to finally acknowledge who it was who had interrupted him and Magnus’s heart nearly broke out of his chest.

Amber eyes met blue ones and Magnus forgot how to breath, staring back at him was someone Magnus thought that he would never see again. Someone that he had dreamed about, and wished more than anything to go back and changed what had happened between them. Someone that Magnus had tried more than anything to forget, that someone was Alexander Lightwood. 

He had looked the exact same age as the day Magnus had left him in the subway tunnels, his hair was longer as it now came just above his jaw, he was also a bit more muscular. Alec had always been light skinned, but now he was as pale as snow, and if you looked hard enough you could see the faint lines of his veins underneath his skin. But the biggest change in Alec was his eyes, once full of wonder, innocence, and excitement, were now cold and hard, all innocence lost. His body might show one age, but his eyes showed another, they looked empty, like he had known hardship, which he had. They looked how Magnus’s eyes looked after living multiple lifetimes, full of sadness. Alec, snapping back from the shock first, looking annoyed as he stared at Magnus as if he was expecting something. 

“Do you have anything to say Warlock Bane, or are you just gonna stand there and stare throughout the entire meeting?” Alec said, voice dripping with venom. Magnus’s heart shattered at Alec’s tone, but it seemed to work as his feet suddenly came unglued and he was able to shut his mouth. There was a seat empty on the left side of the room, next to a werewolf he didn't know, seeing that that was one of the only chairs opened he pulled it out and sat none too graceful.   
“Very well,” an old werewolf who was sitting a couple of chairs away from Magnus said, “co-leader of the night children, please continue with the updates that you were previously saying before you were rudely interrupted,” he glared at Magnus as if he had done some sort of injustice, Magnus just rolled his eyes and leaned further down in his chair, trying to look as casual and unfazed by this as he could. Of course it was a complete lie as he was silently freaking out inside. Alec lips curved up into a tight smile, it was obviously fake and was only done out of respect but it still made Magnus’s heart flutter,

“Thank you sir, so as I was saying…” Magnus didn’t hear anything else Alec had said, as his mind was flooded with thoughts, all his senses blurred and all he could think, hear, and see was Alec. Don’t get him wrong Magnus did not comprehend a single word that Alec was currently saying, he was just listening to his voice, totally absorbed in how he pronounced words, and how his mouth would move as he spoke. ‘Alec was a vampire!’ Magnus thought, ‘how could this had happened, he loved being a shadowhunter!’ Then it hit him like a pound of bricks, if he would have come back sooner Alec would have still been alive. And here Magnus had been postponing his return because he thought he couldn’t handle being in New York when Alec was dead, and Alec had been alive the whole time, well sort of. Magnus’s mind then drifted through tons of scenarios on how Alec had been changed, and none of them were good, he would just have to ask Alec after the meeting he thought. He doubted that encounter would go well, but he couldn’t just let Alec walk away, not after Magnus had just learned that he wasn’t dead. 

Watching Alec walk around the room, was mesmerizing, once upon a time, Alec had been shy and timid, never wanting to be the center of attention, as he just wanted to blend into the background. Now you wouldn’t even think that he was the same person, as he confidently spoke, and commanded the attention of the entire room as if he was born for the lime light. He didn’t look nervous in the slightest, he looked like a leader, and Magnus couldn’t help but be proud of him at how much he had matured. Then all of a sudden a wave of sadness enveloped Magnus at the thought of how much Alec had changed, and Magnus being stupid, had missed it all. 

Alec had long since stopped talking and had took his seat on the other side of the room, ‘figures’ Magnus thought. Even though Alec wasn’t the one speaking, Magnus’s eyes were glued on him. Way back when Alec would have been nervous and squirming in his seat if someone was looking at him the way Magnus was now, instead Alec looked completely comfortable, like he knew he was being stared at but couldn’t bring himself to care.

Then all of a sudden Alec looked away from the fae girl who was speaking and locked eyes with Magnus, causing him to gasp. Alec’s stare was annoyed, almost angry even as if he was challenging Magnus to a street brawl. They stared at eachother like that for what felt like forever, until Alec’s lips curled into a dangerous smirk causing Magnus to break eye contact and look away, embarrassed. ‘Since when did he get embarrassed?’ Magnus thought shaking his head, ‘what was this boy doing to him?’ Magnus chanced another quick look at Alec and found that he was still staring at him, Magnus held his gaze, as it seemed almost impossible not to. Alec smirked and rolled his eyes, this time him breaking the eye contact as he directed his attention back to the fae girl. 

Magnus shook his head, trying to clear it of his thoughts as he directed his attention to the fae girl as well, to at least pretend that he was listening. But really all Magnus was doing was trying to think of the right words to say to Alec after the meeting ended, and no matter what Magnus thought of, it didn’t seem good enough. He hadn’t seen Alec in over 100 years, what was Magnus supposed to say to that, sorry, I kinda thought you were dead so can you tell me how you were turned. Magnus let out an exasperated sigh that earned him looks from the people sitting around him, Magnus just rolled his eyes and decided to just go with whatever came to him in the moment.

The meeting seemed to drag on for all eternity, Alec had not looked at him again, but instead kept his focus on the people speaking. Magnus on the other hand couldn’t keep his eyes off of Alec, soaking in every expression he had made. When the meeting finally came to an end, Magnus was practically shaking with nervousness, and wanted to talk to Alec right away. Of course Magnus was not so lucky as Alec took it upon himself to talk to some of the other downworlders attending the meeting who weren’t Magnus. Forcing Magnus to actually socialize with people he could barely stand, waiting for the perfect opportunity to get Alec alone. That opportunity didn’t come for another 20 minutes, and Magnus would have missed it if he wasn’t paying such close attention to Alec, as he said said his goodbye to the small group of people he was talking to and ducked out of the room without a single person's notice. But Magnus had seen, as he said his goodbye to the werewolf he’d been half listening to, and went out the door in search of Alec. 

Magnus was frantic as he did not see Alec when he first walked out of the room, it hadn’t been that long, maybe a couple of seconds ago that Magnus had seen him leave. ‘fuck why did vampires have to be so damn fast’ he thought as he hurried down the hall trying to catch a glimpse of the black headed vamp. Magnus was starting to think that Alec had already left when he saw him, walking further down the hallway with grace and arrogance that he did not have when Magnus had known him, this caused Magnus to stop to admire him for the hundredth time today. Alec had started to get further and further away when Magnus finally snapped out of it an started jogging to catch up to him, “Alec” he yelled, “Alec please wait!” Said boy made no effort to stop, as he quickened his pace. Magnus sped up when Alec made no signs of stopping, “ALEC, PLEASE I JUST WANT TO TALK!” Magnus screamed. This seemed to get Alec attention as he slowed down just enough for Magnus to catch up. 

“What do you want Bane” Alec spoke not looking at Magnus as he said it, instead he kept walking as if Magnus was nothing but an annoying child who won’t stop begging for a cookie. Magnus ignored this but instead focused on how Alec was calling him by his last name, anger burst in his chest, Alec was treating him like a stranger. And they were anything but strangers, Magnus had been his first kiss for god sakes, his first boyfriend, his first time, his first love, and here Alec was treating Magnus as if he didn’t even know him! 

“Well first off what’s up with this Bane shit, you're acting like we are-” Magnus started only to be interrupted by an annoyed Alec,

“Like we are what Magnus, strangers?” Alec said, “I haven’t seen you in what a hundred year? That's a long fucking time Magnus, that's lifetimes, hell that a fucking century! Now don’t go telling me that we are anything but strangers, because when you don’t see someone in over a fucking century you obviously don’t know shit about them.” Alec spit out viciously, as he turned on his heels and stopped to come face to face with Magnus, causing him to gasp at the raw anger and hatred in Alec's eyes. All the anger that Magnus held moments ago vanished, and for once he was speechless, as all he could do was stand there, mouth slightly open, eyes downcast, and try not to be sick as what Alec had said slowly started to sink in. 

“I-I-” Magnus didn’t know how to respond to that, as it was all true, so he decided to ask what has been eating at him since he first saw Alec. “When did this happen?” Magnus finally got out, only to realize that he was being broad and probably confusing, 

“When did what happen Bane? You gotta be specific, I can’t fucking read minds you know” Alec said, rolling his eyes, anger leaking into his voice, making it deeper. Magnus took a deep breath and shoved his hands in his pockets, because they were shaking and he didn’t want Alec to see how nervous he really was. Alec saw, of course, as Magnus could never get anything past him, and he narrowed his eyes at Magnus, but said nothing, so Magnus continued. 

“When did you change, you know into a vampire.” Magnus said, as more of a statement rather than a question. He then looked up and made eye contact with the black haired vampire, and he gasped. Alec’s jaw was set hard, his mouth was held into a tight line, and his hands were clenched in fists, as if he was ready to punch Magnus in the face. Alec didn’t respond, so Magnus pressed on. “Come on Alec, when were you turned?” Magnus kept his voice as gentle as he possibly could, as Alec looked like he was on his breaking point. “Who turned you? Come on Alec please tell me, you know you can tell me anything, just please I need to know, please.” Magnus reached out as if to touch Alec which seemed to be a mistake as he jerked away and glared at Magnus as if he had just murdered Alec’s cat right in front of him. After a couple seconds of silence, in which Alec did not fill, Magnus lowered his hand and shoved it back into his pocket and whispered, “please.” Magnus sighed and was about to say something else when he was shoved against the wall behind him hard, hands grabbed the fabric at his chest and scrunched it, revealing his bare chest. Magnus gasped, and then groaned, as his head had hit the wall and was now throbbing, he closed his eyes in pain, willing the world to stop spinning. 

“Look at me!” A raspy voice growled in his ear, Magnus didn’t open his eyes, instead he tried to get his breathing under control as he realized that he was close to panting. “God Damn it, open your eyes Magnus, look at me!” Alec said, as he pressed his body against Magnus’s, making sure that he couldn’t move. Slowly but surely Magnus opened his eyes to see Alec’s face merely inches from his, once upon a time when Alec was this close to his face butterflies would erupt in Magnus’s stomach as Alec would slowly lean in and kiss Magnus, his face full of love. 

Now Magnus had butterflies but they were for an entirely different reason, Magnus was somewhat scared, as he looked into Alec’s eyes and saw utmost hatred, and disgust. For a second Magnus thought that Alec was going to hurt him, and he flinched and looked away, waiting for Alec to strike. Alec must of sensed this and started chuckling softly, it wasn’t a loving chuckle that Magnus was used to, it was a dark, almost dangerous chuckle. “I’m not going to hurt you Magnus, even though you deserve it” Magnus looked up in shock, he was about to protest when Alec growled, “I didn’t say you could talk” Magnus immediately shut his mouth, waiting for Alec to speak again as his heart was hammering inside his chest and his head was throbbing to the beat of it. “Now tell me Bane, Magnus, whatever the fuck you want me to call you, why the fuck would I tell you anything about me or my life, hmm? You left me remember, it was you that moved away and never looked back, you were the one to throw me away like a piece of fucking garbage, garbage..” Alec chuckled again, this time sounding delirious, Magnus shook his head, trying to deny what Alec was saying but he just kept on, “Do you have any idea how that made me feel? Huh, do you? It felt like shit Magnus, it felt like fucking shit. It felt like I wasn’t good enough, but you know what Magnus, it was you that wasn’t good enough, DID YOU HEAR ME IT WAS YOU!”

Alec started shaking him back and forth as he screamed into his face. Magnus tried to keep his head from hitting the wall, but then Alec started shaking him harder and Magnus’s head hit with a smack drawing a groan from his lips as pain shot through his skull. Then all of a sudden Alec stopped but didn’t back away, Magnus immediately reached up to touch the back of his head, when he drew his hand back it was covered in blood, his own blood, and Alec had done it, his sweet, innocent Alec had drawn blood. Magnus looked up in shock, and saw that Alec was wearing a similar face, as he couldn’t believe that he had actually hurt Magnus either. Magnus shook his head, causing a wave of pain to wash over him and he groaned. Alec then backed away, releasing him from his hold, causing Magnus to stumble and fall, landing on Alec, who grabbed him almost immediately. Magnus looked up and with his bloodied hand reached up and caressed the right side of Alec’s face, and smiled,

“Hey it’s ok” Anger flashed through Alec’s eyes and Magnus wanted nothing more than to wipe off that look, so he kept talking, “I’m sorry Alec i’m so sorry, I wish I could take it back but-” 

“Don’t, just don’t” Alec spit out, all shock gone, his voice no longer held any anger, instead it was closed off and distant. 

“Alec” Magnus pleaded, not knowing what he was asking for, just that it involved Alec, and he willed him to understand what Magnus couldn’t. Alec gently set him back on his feet, and Magnus leaned heavily against the wall.

“Don’t talk to me anymore, I never want to see you again, why don’t you just go back to wherever the hell you’ve been for the past century and leave me alone!” Magnus shook his head as he felt hot tears stream down his face, “Goodbye Magnus, and for the record it was me who is leaving you this time around.” Alec smirked in a twisted sort of way, the way a serial killer smirks after he kills his victim. He then turned around, not facing Magnus but not leaving either,

“Alec, please…” Magnus choked out, Alec turned his head to look at him, his eyes closed off and cold. Magnus’s vision blurred from the tear, so he went to wipe his eyes with his sleeve, and when he looked up Alec was gone, just like Magnus had gone when Alec had looked up that day in the subway. Magnus was one who believed in coincidences, but a feeling deep in his gut told him that Alec had done that on purpose, to give Magnus a taste of his own medicine so to speak. Magnus crumpled to the floor in pain and sadness, and vowed that he would somehow get Alec Lightwood to forgive him, and he would not stop until he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I know Alec seems kinda like an asshole, but wouldn't you be if your first love left, and didn't come back until you were supposed to be dead? If you want a nice Alec just hold on, this is gonna be a bumpy ride. 
> 
> If you got any comments or questions just ask, comments are def appreciated!


	3. The Greatest Pain Of All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whoever said love was easy was a jackass...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter took longer than expected because I had so many ideas that I had to sort through on where to go. Hope you like it!

As Magnus crumpled to the floor, a sob racked itself out of his throat, it was an animalistic sound, a sound that Magnus had never known that he could produce. He tried to put himself at least somewhat back together so he could somehow stumbled his way back home, not wanting to have a breakdown in the fucking downworlder meeting place. But he couldn’t get off the floor, or bring himself to even care that someone might turn the corner and see the high warlock of Brooklyn on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably, all he could do was bring his legs to his chest and let all of what Alec had said, sink in.

He wanted to be angry at Alec for treating him the way he did, but Magnus knew that he deserved it, because like Alec had said, it was Magnus who had ended it and decided to not come back until Alec was supposed to be dead. He hadn’t meant to not come back, or to hurt Alec as much as he did, but that's what happened, and Magnus couldn’t do anything to change it. He couldn’t help but think of what Alec had said, about how Magnus had thrown him away like garbage. He couldn’t believe that Alec had felt that, and it was all because of him, another sob tore itself out of Magnus’s throat, and he realised that he was shaking uncontrollably from crying.

Then all of a sudden he felt a strong jolt go through him, it seemed to travel through every vein in his body, leaving a burning hot fire to course itself through Magnus. Magnus tried to scream out in pain, but his voice wouldn’t cooperate, it was like the fire had burnt it away. Even Magnus’s tears seemed to be boiling hot as they cascaded their way down his smooth burning face. All the while Magnus wanted to burst into laughter, not because he was scared, but because he knew exactly what was happening, he was losing control.

Sure all Warlocks lose control of their magic sometimes, especially when they were in life threatening situations, Magnus had lost control a few hundred times before but this was different. He couldn’t just close his eyes and breathe deeply for a while, he was way beyond that point. Hell he could barely even see what was in front of him, as a white hot pain would shoot across his skull every time he would try to blink. All he could make out was a bright blue iridescence engulfing him. ‘This isn’t good’ Magnus thought, as he tried to breath through what felt like hot coals jammed in his lungs.

Magnus hadn’t lost control like this since he was a child, and his magic had lashed out on his stepfather as he tried to drown him. After his stepfather was dead, his magic had somehow calmed, as if it knew Magnus was no longer in danger. But this was different, Magnus wasn’t in danger, hell he was far from it, but he let his emotions rush out of him in waves, and in a way drown him, figuratively anyways. 

But apparently magic wasn’t one for technicalities, it just sensed that Magnus was broken, and hurting deeply, so it decided that Magnus was in mortal danger and it needed to protect him. ‘Oh this is bad’ Magnus thought, ‘this is really fucking bad’. He couldn’t exactly turn off his emotions, or fix his broken heart, sadly not even magic could do that. But if he didn’t somehow find a way to get his magic under control, there was no doubt in Magnus’s mind that it was going to kill him. 

Magnus would have groaned, and cursed up a storm if he could manage to talk, as Magnus realized what he had to do. The only way he could see himself surviving this god awful situation was to put himself in a magic induced coma, meaning that he would knock himself unconscious until another warlock found him and woke him up again. Not many people would do this, and if they did it would be a last resort, as it makes the warlock powerless. Their magic is in a sense asleep with the person, and can only be woken up by another warlock's powers. And since a warlock’s magic is tethered to their soul, the only way to do this, is to in a way kill them. As the warlock will appear to be dead while in this type of coma, only a very old, very smart warlock would know to difference between a magic induced coma and death.

‘He would have to do it soon’ Magnus thought, as he could already feel his strength deteriorating. ‘Please lilith don’t let the wrong people find me’ Magnus silently prayed, as he used the last bit of his strength to activate his coma.

The last thing Magnus remembered was thinking how could someone he hasn’t seen in over a century have this type of power over him? Then Magnus realized that no matter what he tried to trick himself into believing, he could not live without Alec. Magnus realized that he was having trouble keeping his thoughts flowing, as his mind would want to shut off, but Magnus wasn’t ready. He tried in vain to conjure pictures of His Alec, only to realize that he wasn’t his anymore, causing a fresh jolt of electricity to shoot through him. After a while just thinking in general became unbearably hard, and Magnus gratefully accepted the cool blanket of darkness that enveloped him, stopping the fire that threatened to burn him alive from the inside out, and the somehow even more painful memories of the life he could of had, but threw away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is kinda short, it wasn't supposed to be but as always my story seemed to wanna write itself and this whole losing control thing just leaked itself out of my brain. The stuff about losing control is not the same as the books as far as i'm concerned, but if it was great! Just for the record I am not trying to copy the books exactly, so if things don't fit keep in mind I haven't read them in over 2 years and am just going off of what I remember, and the show roughly not really! But I am not trying to keep it in line with the books as you can obviously tell. I hoped you liked it and I promise next chapter will reveal some juicy secrets, and will be longer! Feel free to ask questions and leave comments, they are appreciated!


	4. You Even Haunt My Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh Magnus...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All italics are dreams!

_Magnus awoke in his king sized bed, his purple duvet was bunched up at the bottom, leaving only a thin sheet to cover his naked body. Magnus wasn’t cold though, he never was, hell he was like his own personal sun, ‘one of the many perks to being a warlock’ he thought as he slowly drifted back to sleep._

_The smell of coffee and bacon whiffed through the air waking him, Magnus smiled to himself as he loved coffee and bacon in the mornings. Then all of a sudden it hit Magnus, he lived alone who the hell was making coffee when no one is supposed to be here? Magnus clambered out of bed as quick as he could, grabbing a random pair of underwear off the floor and headed towards the kitchen, putting on his ‘High Warlock of Brooklyn’ game face._

_He turned the corner and was about to electrocute the hell out of whoever decided it was a good idea to break into his apartment when his jaw dropped and he stopped dead in his tracks. Standing in front of the stove flipping bacon, clothed only in a pair of old looking sweats was none other than Alexander Lightwood._

_“Alec…” Magnus finally choked out, his voice thick with emotion as the downworlder meeting, and the words Alec had said all came back to him. “What are you… what are you doing?” Magnus got out, as Alec turned around and faced him, fork in one hand, and Magnus’s breath caught in his throat. Alec gave Magnus a curious look,_

_“I’m cooking us breakfast what does it look like i’m doing” Magnus just stood there, mouth agape staring at Alec as if he had grown a second head. Alec stared back, until he broke into laughter, he put down the fork he was holding and moved towards Magnus, throwing his arms around his neck and molding his body against his. Magnus went stiff, but Alec didn't notice as he was too busy laughing._

_When Alec finally noticed he drew back slightly and gave Magnus a puzzled look, “Are you ok baby?” He asked, voice dripping with concern. Magnus could not believe what he was hearing, all he knew was that he was going to make the best out of this situation before it blew up in his face._

_“I’m fine angel, I just had an awful dream that’s all.” Magnus said, as he wrapped his arms around Alec’s waist, bringing him in closer as he nuzzled his face in his hair. Alec hummed in contentment and pressed his body fully to the Warlock’s._

_“Well why don’t you tell me about it?” Alec whispered in his ear, causing the warlock to break out in goose bumps. Magnus opened his mouth to argue when Alec gave him the pouty face, “Awww come on Magnus, how am I going to make you feel better when I don’t even know what’s wrong?” Alec asked as he slowly ground his hips against Magnus’s, causing his breath to hitch._

_“Come on please”, Alec hummed into his ear, followed by a gentle thrust of his hips. Magnus let out a sigh, and looked up to meet Alec’s gaze and moaned at what he saw. A light flush was occupying Alec’s otherwise porcelain skin, his pupils were blown out wide with a look of hunger that Magnus could only describe as animalistic._

_Knowing himself he knew that he was probably sporting a similar look as he smiled mischievously down at Alec. And slowly stuck his tongue out to trace over the smile that he currently possessed, causing a small moan to come out of Alec’s beautiful lips. Lips that now that he thought about it, he really wanted to taste._

_Magnus leaned in and was about to claim his prize when Alec pulled away giggling, Magnus groaned as Alec half walked half ran around the small island in Magnus’s kitchen, so he was out of arm's reach. “Nah nah nah, no kissing until you tell me about your dream” Alec said smiling innocently as if he hadn’t just been dry humping the shit out of him. Magnus sighed knowing that there was no way around it,_

_“Ok if you must know…” Magnus started as he rolled his eyes and crossed his long arms in front of his naked chest to show that he was not happy about sharing. Alec nodded urging Magnus to continue, “Well I dreamt that we broke up and I left for a hundred years and when I came back you were a vampire and hated my guts.” Magnus blurted out all in one breath, wanting to abandon this conversation._

_Magnus couldn’t bring himself to look up at Alec knowing that it wasn’t a dream and any minute now Alec would laugh in his face and leave just like at the meeting. But instead he felt a soft hand at his chin urging him to look up, Magnus complied and gasped at the look of love in Alec’s eyes, completely different to how he looked at him in the cold dirty hallway of the meeting place. Alec smiled softly,_

_“Shh it's just a dream baby, it’s not real” he cooed, and all Magnus could do was stand there is shock, how could it be a dream? He remembered everything so clearly, even the hundred years he spent in London._

_This couldn’t be real. Alec must have sensed his doubt because he gently grabbed Magnus’s hand and held it over his heart, “Feel that?” Alec asked, as he placed both his hands over Magus’s one on his chest, where he felt a steady thrum. “That’s my heartbeat Mags, now how can I have a heartbeat if i’m supposed to be a vampire?” Alec questioned._

_They stayed like that for a while, Magnus feeling the beat of Alec’s heart through his toned chest. Then Magnus looked up from Alec’s deflect rune on his neck, met his shining blue eyes and smirked._

_“You know the more I think about it, I don’t think your heart is beating fast enough” Magnus said, as he used his other hand to locate Alec’s pulse point and he put on a contemplative facade to make it more realistic._

_Alec just stared at him with a look of confusion and amusement. “Hmm, no not nearly fast enough” Magnus announced, shaking his head as if he was hearing bad news. “Ah but don’t worry Alexander, I know quite a bit of activities that will get your heart rate skyrocketing” Magnus said with a devious smirk._

_It finally clicked in Alec’s head what he was insinuating and he rolled his, trying to hide his smirk but failing. “Don’t worry angel no need to be scared” Magnus closed the distance between them, keeping one hand over Alec’s heart but removing the other from his pulse point to tangle in his hair causing Alec to moan softly. “I’ll take good care of you” Magnus breathed into his ear causing a shiver to rack itself through Alec’s body. “But i’m afraid that these activities require the participants to be naked so if you don’t mind i’m going to have to remove these” Magnus stated as he moved his hand from Alec’s chest and dragged it down to the waistline of his sweats, slightly tugging them down and over Alec’s perfect ass._

_Magnus let out a surprised breath when he discovered that Alec wasn’t wearing any underwear. “My my my no underwear Alec darling, if I wasn’t mistaken I would say you are quite prepared for out little activities” Magnus growled, as his voice was getting heavy with lust as he kneaded his lover’s ass with his palms._

_Alec sucked in a breath and let out a low moan, throwing his head back, which Magnus quickly took advantage of as he attached his lips to the shadowhunter’s neck and began to pepper it in hot, open mouth kisses. Alec moaned again, this time louder as he started to grind his still clothed cock on Magnus’s thigh._

_“What would y-you be w-wearing right now if I h-had put o-on underwear?” Alec managed to get out in between pants. Magnus stopped his attack on Alec’s neck to look down at what he was wearing and chuckled at what he saw. In his sleepy haze of getting ready to confront the intruder in his kitchen Magnus had grabbed Alec’s boxers. Magnus looked up and cocked his head to one side,_

_“I guess I would have just come out naked, not like you would be complaining” Magnus spoke as he grabbed handfuls of Alec’s ass and pushed him closer to his body, forcing him up on his tiptoes. Alec whimpered as his crotch brushed against Magnus’s hip. “Now about that kiss…” Magnus started to bend down to finally connect his lips with the blue eyed boy in his arms when a voice shouted and startled the warlock. “What the hell was that?” Magnus questioned at he pulled his head away from Alec’s, who looked more annoyed than anything._

_“What was what Ma…” but Magnus didn’t hear what Alec had said next because all he heard was a strange voice. He didn’t know what it was saying, only that it kept getting louder and louder, pretty soon Magnus’s entire apartment was shaking with the rumble of the voice._

_Magnus looked down at the boy who was in his arms only to realise that he was hugging himself and said boy was nowhere to be seen. “Alec” Magnus shouted, “ALEC” he tried louder, but it was no use, he couldn’t even hear himself over the booming sound of the voice. Magnus tuned his ears and tried to distinguish what it was saying only to realize that it was chanting an ancient wake up spell in latin._

_Then all of a sudden it clicked and Magnus remembered everything. The fight with Alec hadn’t been a dream, this had, he was under a self induced coma that someone was trying to wake him up from._

_“FUCK” Magnus shouted, “FUCK” Magnus shouted again, balling his hands into fists, it had been so real. He took in a deep breath and tried to relax himself, it wouldn’t do him any good to fret about dreams. Magnus closed his eyes and forced himself to breathe regularly, as he started to say the chant as well. Magnus then began to feel the room spinning, which only caused Magnus to chant faster, as he was ready to exit this dream turned nightmare._

Magnus was just starting to feel sick when all of a sudden the room stopped spinning and he opened his eyes as he drew in a ragged breath. Every inch of his body hurt, as if he was in a really bad accident and got thrown through the car window and then ran over by a semi. As Magnus looked around he realized that he was in an unfamiliar bed, and he didn’t recognize any of his surrounding until his eyes fell on a familiar face and he smiled. “Hello Ragnor good seeing you again old friend!”

Ragnor just stared at Magnus, as he stood at the side if the bed, arms crossed tightly against his chest, his jaw was clenched and his mouth was held in a tight line. Magnus smiled up at him, trying to relieve some of the anger directed at him from his old friend but it just seemed to make it worse. “Oh don’t think you can just put on a dazzling smile and it will make this go away Magnus.” Said warlock flinched at the tone his friend was using, in Magnus’s opinion he was overreacting a bit, yeah he put himself in a coma but it obviously worked seeing that he wasn’t dead.

“Ragnor thank you for waking me up I really do appreciate it with all my heart, but don’t you think you are overreacting a bit?” Magnus questioned in the sweetest tone he could muster, which was a bit hard considering his throat was so raw it felt like he was swallowing glass every time he tried to talk. This seemed to only make it worse, as Ragnor glared at him as if he had just keyed his car. Magnus just started back, not challenging him but not breaking the contact either. Finally Ragnor gave up as he threw his arms up and flopped down on the arm chair that appeared out of nowhere.

“You think i’m overreacting? How the hell am I overreacting? you lost control Magnus, it was so bad you nearly killed yourself and everybody within a 10 mile radius of you! Now you tell me how the fuck I am overreacting!” Ragnor yelled, his hands were clenched into fists on the arm of the chair he was sitting in, knuckles white.

Magnus flinched away from the angry warlock, as his loud voice only seemed to make the throbbing in his head worse. Magnus did not answer right away as he assumed that anything he would say in the moment would only make Ragnor angrier, so he decided to lay there quietly and hope that his companion would calm.

After a while, Ragnor rolled his eyes and scoffed, “You know what, I should have just left you in that coma you put yourself under, maybe a couple thousand years asleep would do you some good, you know like give you common sense perhaps!” Ragnor’s voice was dripping with sarcasm, showing Magnus that he wasn’t serious yet Magnus couldn’t help but shudder at the thought of it.

He couldn’t imagine being stuck in a world full of dreams about Alec when he couldn’t have him in real life. Then again dreams where the closest thing that Magnus would ever get to being intimate with Alec ever again, so was it really that bad of a thing?

Magnus groaned in frustration which turned into one of pain as the vibrations practically ripped his throat in half. Ragnor must have realized this as he rolled his eyes and reached for something on the nightstand, when it came into Magnus’s gaze he realized that it was a small vial filled with a glowing orange liquid. Ragnor unscrewed the top none too gently and handed it to Magnus ordering him to drink. He didn’t bother arguing just grabbed the vial and slugged it back in one gulp grimacing at the taste.

But almost instantly the substance seemed to take effect as the pain in Magnus’s body melted away until it was only a dull soreness, as if he had worked out extremely hard the day before. He sighed in relief and for the first time since waking he was able to fully relax, but like most things his moment of rest was interrupted by none other than Ragnor Fell. “Well now that you are feeling better you mind explaining why I had to come all the way from London to wake your sorry ass up?”

Magnus sighed as he realized he wasn’t getting out of this without saying anything. Even though his body protested it as it seemed to only want to sleep, he forced himself into a sitting position and stared at the slightly angry warlock sitting next to him. Magnus really didn’t see a point in lying to Ragnor so he told him the truth, he told him about the little girl with bright blue eyes. He told him about the downworlder meeting and his shocking discovery of Alec being a vampire. He then went on to tell him about what happened after the meeting when Magnus had sought Alec out, and how he had felt at what Alec had said which led to how he lost control. He didn’t bring up the dream he had, as he really didn’t see the point and decided to save himself the embarrassment. After the retelling and venting his inner thoughts Magnus let out a long breath, he felt oddly relieved to tell someone else how he felt, someone he trusted with his own life.

A silence had settled between the two warlocks, it wasn’t an awkward silence as it would have been for most, it was more of a contemplative silence. Ragnor was obviously mulling over all of the new information that Magnus had just given him. While the the other warlock was just content to lay there with his eyes closed, enjoying the minute if quiet before he was bombarded with questions no doubt Ragnor would have.

What Magnus did not expect was to hear a faint chuckle coming from Ragnor, Magnus furrowed his brow as the chuckle turned into a full out laugh. “Why are you laughing Ragnor? Because there was nothing funny about what I just told you” Magnus said with annoyance clear in his voice. Ragor on the other hand was convulsing with laughter, leaving Magnus to sit there and pout.

“I’m sorry Magnus” the horned warlock declared, as he wiped tears of mirth from his eyes. Said warlock did not look very convinced as he crossed his arms in front of his chest and sat up straighter on the bed. He didn’t say anything to interrupt, so Ragor continued, “It’s just that you are totally head over heels for this former shadowhunter vampire, it’s a shame that you left him all those years ago.” Magnus’s jaw fell open as he sat there in shock at what he was hearing. He felt an obvious need to defend his former choices as Ragnor was making it out to be all Magnus’s fault, when clearly the blame should not rest on just his shoulders.

“You do realize he was meeting with Camille behind my back after I specifically told him to stay away from her. The two of them were having civil conversation probably over tea casually discussing how to shorten my life!” Magnus exclaimed, clearly growing offensive at Ragnor’s words. He on the other hand didn’t look convinced,

“Yes I see your point, I just don’t think it was very reasonable of you to leave and not come back until you thought he was dead, when you very obviously have strong feelings for him. I just don’t think you were being fair to him or yourself for that matter.” Ragnor stated very matter of factly. “In fact I think that this is actually a good thing, like a second chance from the universe of some sort” At this Magnus snorted and rolled his eyes at Ragnor’s stupidity and misplaced hope.

“Well you definitely wouldn’t be saying that if you were actually there and got to see how Alec reacted, he absolutely hates me for what I did, which he should, I know I would if someone treated me the way I treated him.” Magnus stated, voice full of melancholy and regret. “It’s hopeless Ragnor, I’ve lost him…” Magnus closed his eyes and took in a shaky breath to keep himself from breaking down and crying his eyes out. Ragnor on the other hand looked unfazed by Magnus’s words.

“Well maybe he only thinks he hates you” Magnus glared at him with anger and confusion, “It’s just a thought, you know, hate and love walk hand in hand, when you love somebody so much, it only makes it that much easier to channel those feeling into hate. All i’m saying is don’t give up hope just yet, I mean you never know what could happen.” Ragnor said with a smile as he got up from his seat and stretched, “get some sleep Magnus, you’ll need it to get your strength back up from that coma you put yourself under” Ragnor gave said warlock a pointed look, causing Magnus to sigh and roll his eyes.

Ragnor just smiled as he opened the door of the small room they were in, right before he walked all the way out he turned back to the warlock on the bed, “Good night Magnus, and think about what I said, you know food for thought as they say.” Magnus returned Ragnor’s smirk as he quickly said goodnight to his horned friend.

Once he was gone Magnus laid down and was once again alone with his thoughts. He sighed as what Ragnor had said bounced around in his head, and for the first time he allowed himself to think that maybe he did have a chance to win back Alec, maybe for once fate would be on his side. He closed his eyes and drifted to sleep with this thought in mind, excited and nervous to see what the future had in store for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hump, I sorry that this chapter took so long, it took me forever to write, and I kept rereading and rewriting because I didn't like what I put. This past week had been full of rewrites because I wanted to make it perfect for all of you! I hope you like it and feel free to comment on anything!


	5. Cry Me A River

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus makes up his mind...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long but here it is enjoy!

Magnus flopped himself onto the small couch with a sigh, it was an old black leather sofa, that the more Magnus thought about it, was rather kinky. With its elegant black wood on the top, and the oh so nice tufts covering the back.

He smiled to himself as he looked at the man reading in the big armchair in front of him. “So Ragnor, have you fucked anyone on this lovely sofa recently?” Magnus didn’t get the reaction he was hoping for, as Ragnor didn’t even flinch. He just continued reading his book as if Magnus had not spoken.

“How can I fuck anyone on that couch if you have been on it for the past three weeks?” Ragnor stated calmly as he turned the page. Magnus only rolled his eyes, as he threw his feet over the side of the kinky couch he had come to adore.

It wasn’t as if Magnus didn’t want to leave, more like it was just easier to pretend that everything was fine and dandy in his life, and not royally fucked when he wasn’t living it. He knew he would have to confront Alec eventually, as he knew he could not just leave him alone without getting answers. Magnus just wasn’t ready to face his past demons, as he never was, which was probably why he was in this mess in the first place.

He sighed, as he threw his arm over his eyes in a melodramatic way and fell onto his back on the couch. Without even moving a muscle, sensing Magnus’s distress, and attempt to get his attention, Ragnor closed his book with a smack. Ragnor wasn’t one to get angry, in fact he was known to be the more patient of the two, but when you got on his nerves Ragnor was one to make it known. So when Ragnor set his book down, sat up straight and stared at his annoying friend in front of him, Magnus knew he was in for it.

“You know I love you Magnus, and I am doing this out of the kindness of my heart, but get the hell out of my house.” Magnus gave him a puzzled look, as he cocked his head to one side in an attempt to look innocent, which only seemed to spur Ragnor on.

“Oh don’t give me that look Bane, you have been here moping around my house since you found out your past boy toy became a vampire and apparently hates your guts.” Magnus flinched as if Ragnor had hit him across the face, as that is what it felt like. The horned warlock seemed to notice his mistake but it was already too late, the damage had been done.

“Oh Raziel, i’m sorry Magnus I didn’t mean it, I know you really cared about him, he wasn’t just some careless fling that…” But he didn’t get to finish, as tears began to stream down Magnus’ face, and he wiped them away angrily in a futile attempt to conceal the fact that he was crying.

A silence fell on the two warlocks, with one contemplating and the other trying to hold back tears.

“I know I have had past relationships, and I have showed up at your doorstep crying my eyes out. Because my relationship ended, either because we broke up, or because they died.” Magnus paused as he took in a deep breathe, as he organized his thoughts. He was on the verge of tears so he tried to distract himself by picking at his purple nail polish, not daring to look Ragnor in the face.

“But”, Magnus continued “Alec was… is different, I don’t know why or how, he just makes me feel things that I never have before. Things that I didn’t even know was still possible for me to feel after living over 400 years. And the funny thing is, I have never felt worse in my entire life then I do right now. Not even when I went to my lovers funerals did I feel like this, it’s like this ache. This ache that won’t go away, or even dull no matter what I try to do.”

Magnus stopped again, this time to wipe under his eyes as he was crying, in a futile attempt to wipe off his ruined makeup. “See, i’ve felt like this before, but only a fraction of what it is now, when I first left Alec in the subways all those years ago. And every time I would think about him, or coming back here after I left to London. I used to think that it was leftover anger from what he did, for forcing me to end it, but it's not.” Magnus let out a bitter laugh, that ended up sounding more psychotic than anything, as his face was red and puffy, and his voice hoarse from crying.

“It’s anger at myself. For leaving and never coming back, for not giving him a chance to explain why he was there. For not giving us a second chance, but now that I know he is still alive, and hates even the tiniest memory of me, I can’t help but feel like it’s my fault, that he hates me so much because I left and never looked back. And I hate myself for it, and in a way, it's like losing him all over again. But how can you lose something that you left behind?”

Magnus didn’t continue on, instead he magically produced a tissue box from the corner store down the street, and quietly blew his nose and wiped his eyes, taking off some but not all of his ruined makeup. While Ragnor sat silently, watching the other warlock gather himself. After Magnus put the tissue box on the coffee table in front of him, he started chuckling softly to himself, which was more of a sob then a laugh.

“I left him Ragnor. I left the one person who I would do anything for, hell I would even die for him. I never realized this before, but he completes my soul. He is like the missing puzzle piece that you didn’t even realize was gone, until you find it under the box. You didn’t know you needed it until you found it again. Without Alec I am just an incomplete puzzle, waiting for its last piece, and the funny thing is, I didn’t realize I wasn’t whole until I saw him again. And that missing hole in me just aches now that I know it will never be filled by the one person who I love more than life itself. The one person, who completely dominates my soul, and at the same time hates it. I just- I don’t know what to do Ragnor, please tell me what to do-”

Magnus voice cracked as he finally broke down, tears were flowing down his face in a constant stream, and broken animalistic sounds were escaping his mouth as his entire body shook. During this Ragnor moved from his original spot on the arm chair, to the leather couch that Magnus was on, and he wrapped his arms around the trembling warlock. As soon as he did this Magnus felt a calming wave wash through his body, from where Ragnor hands were positioned on his back.

 

“Shh, shh, it’s ok Magnus, just breathe just breathe, take control.” Magnus was confused for all of three seconds as he opened his eyes he hadn’t even realized he had closed, and saw the disaster that was Ragnor’s house. The bookshelves that lined the wall were broken, as the wood had cracked causing splinters to fly everywhere, along with books, and ripped pages. Lamps were crashing into walls, and rugs were ripping and setting on fire.

That’s when Magnus realized that was was losing control of his magic, again, ‘shit’. He quickly re-shut his eyes, and tried to drown out the sounds of breaking glass, and shattering wood and only focus on his own breathing and Ragnor’s calming words.

Just then he felt another wave of Ragnor’s magic wash over him, making him feel instantly relaxed. “That’s it Magnus, just relax, deep breaths.” Slowly but surely the pressure of his magic drained from wanting to burst out of his body, to just a dull thrum in his veins, which wasn’t the most comfortable, but Magnus was just grateful his magic didn’t kill him.

“Ahh, you burnt my persian rug, I loved that rug!” Ragnor exclaimed as he playfully pouted, and Magnus knew he was pretending to be more hurt than he actually was. Magnus just rolled his eyes and smirked, as he buried himself deeper into Ragnor’s side, as if he was trying to use Ragnor as a shield.

Ragnor tightened his grip on Magnus causing him to smirk, the two sat like that for a while. Wrapped in eachothers arms in the middle of a half charred room. It was almost poetic Magnus thought, and he wanted more then anything to just stay like this forever, to never have to deal with his crumbling life ever again. But he knew that it could never happen, Ragnor had better things to do in his life, rather than comforting a broken, confused warlock, but he could still hope.

“What should I do Ragnor?” Magnus whispered against the horned warlock's chest, as if he was a suicidal man, and Ragnor’s advice was the only thing keeping him alive. Said warlock was quiet for a moment, as if he was debating whether or not Magnus could handle the truth of the matter. Magnus just sat there, knowing that Ragnor would talk when he found the right things to say.

“I think you should stop moping around my now destroyed house and go find your Alec.” Magnus opened his mouth to protest but was quickly shushed by Ragnor, “Hush let me finish, you left for a hundred years Magnus! That’s a long ass time, even in an immortals perspective, and you didn’t come back until you thought that Alec and all his family were long dead. And now that you finally do come back and learn that he isn’t dead, of course he in not going to be to happy to see you again, he probably thinks that you hate him!” A few tears slipped past Magnus’s eyes, and he sniffed.

“So you think it’s too late then, that I can’t fix this.” Magnus said in a voice so small and hesitant, he almost didn’t recognize it. Ragnor squeezed his grip on Magnus for reassurance, and started tracing small circles on his back in a calming manner.

“Now I didn’t say that, all I said was that he probably ‘thinks’ that you hate him, and you obviously believe that he hates you.” Magnus’s head was swimming as he was trying to paste together what Ragnor ment. Sensing Magnus’s confusion Ragnor rolled his eyes and sighed deeply.

“So if he thinks you hate him and, and you think that he hates you, you two will just go on avoiding each other, and your feelings toward one another.” Magnus looked up from his place snuggled into Ragnor’s chest, to look into his eyes to show that he was getting annoyed with how Ragnor was running around in circles.

“What’s your point Ragnor?” Magnus said in an annoyed voice. Ragnor threw his arms up in the air and let out a groan of frustration.

“My point is that you two can just go on ignoring each other like the bubonic plague, and stuffing down your feelings. And I haven’t associated with Alec directly in a very long time, but from what you are telling me, and how you left him, it is definitely not going to be him who finds you to try to work this out. It has to be you Magnus, you either have to go to Alec and try to prove to him that you love him and made a huge mistake in letting him go and that you want him back. Or you just have to move on and let him go, it's as simple as that.”

Magnus went silent as he let Ragnor’s words sink. Ragnor made no move to pressure him, instead he put his arms back around Magnus and continued rubbing soft circles into his back.

“You know what, your right.” Magnus finally said, Ragnor only hummed in response, encouraging Magnus to continue. “No matter how much I hate to admit, this situation that me and Alec are in, is entirely my fault. So it would only be right that it was me who made the moves and sacrifices it took to lead us in the right direction. I'm just… I’m scared Ragnor. I don’t think I can bear it if Alec told me he hated me, or that he never wants to see me, again. I just- it hurts so much Ragnor, I love him with everything I am, and I don’t think I could live with myself if he doesn’t feel the same way, I realize this now. I can’t exist without Alec Lightwood.”

Deep down Magnus had known this for a while now, but knowing it and actually saying it out loud were two entirely different things. He took a deep breath as he was close to hysterics, he looked up at Ragnor for the first time during his revelation and was shocked to see that Ragnor was smiling down at him.

“It’s settled then, tomorrow, after you help me fix the disaster you made of my house of course, you are leaving to go find the love of your life.” Magnus was taken aback by Ragnor’s choice of wording, but the more he thought about it, the more it seemed to fit. Alec was the love of his life, how could he not have realized it before now?

‘It didn’t matter’ he thought, he knew it now, and he couldn’t help but feel a little giddy about it. For the first time in a long while Magnus smiled up at Ragnor, a real genuine smile, that he felt deep in his soul.

“Okay then, tomorrow is the day I confront Alec and hopefully not only take a step in the right direction but get some answers.” Magnus said with a hint of hope in his voice. Ragnor gave him a small smile in return and hugged him tighter.

“Tomorrow it is.” Magnus snuggled close to Ragnor, who moved so he was laying on his back, with Magnus on top of him. And with that Magnus slowly drifted off into the best sleep he has had since he decided to come back to New York. In the arms of a friend, and the thought of the love of his life, and all they used to share racing through his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe this chapter took so long! ); Summer ended and I was getting adjusted to sophomore year and the homework load, and just haven't had time to write. 
> 
> This chapter is kinda slow, but in my opinion necessary to give you all a glimpse of how Magnus really feels about Alec! Next chapter will be better, and a lot more angsty! You also may or may not find out who that little blue eyed girl is! (; I promise with all my heart I will update and write faster. I wanna get chapter 6 up this time next weeks but I'm not making any promises.
> 
> Thanks for reading and please leave a comment!
> 
> ps. If any of you are curious I am going to switch perspectives in this fic in the upcoming chapters. Not the next one though, but maybe the one after that, so look forward to that!


	6. I've Always Hated Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gasp!

Magnus opened the door to his apartment with an overdramatic sigh, as he strutted in and threw himself on his bright pink couch and closed his eyes. Earlier today when he had awoken from his nap, Ragnor was all too quick to throw him out of his house. He didn’t even let Magnus help clean up, as Ragnor claimed that he was just trying to find an excuse to not come home and sort out his life.

So naturally Magnus left in a huff and literally dragged his feet all the way to his apartment building only to throw himself on his couch, hence where he is now. Magnus knew he needed to get up and actually make a plan on how he was going to win back Alec, but frankly just thinking about said vamp made his heart hurt in a way that only Alec could make it.

“FUUUUCK!” Magnus exclaimed suddenly flipping around on his couch so he was lying on his back not his stomach and looked up at his ceiling with a frown. “What am I gonna do?” he said to himself shaking his head and throwing his arms up in the air only to have one land off the couch and onto the floor and the other onto his stomach.

He started playing with the fluffy white carpet that currently occupied his apartment. He hadn’t had time to redecorate since he got back, and just staring at the state he left his flat in over a hundred years ago made him groan in disgust.

‘At least the carpet is soft’ he thought to himself with a chuckle, ‘Alec would love this, he loves soft things’ Magnus sat up with surprise and pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes.

“Great, I can’t stop thinking about him. Why can’t I stop thinking about him?” Magnus asked himself with a groan. “Every fucking thing I see reminds me of him!” He shook his head in defeat, “I can’t do this anymore, I need to see him” Magnus said to himself with a newfound determination.

He stood and marched his way to the front door only to turn around halfway, “But what if he tells me he hates me and never wants to see me again?” Magnus said close to being frantic. “Well I guess he already did say that, but I don’t think I can handle it if he were to say it again.” Magnus said out loud, as he frantically paced around his living room.

“Oh god i’m talking to myself, I must be going crazy… Yeah crazy with love...AHHH! SHUT THE FUCK UP ME!” Magnus shouted in frustration as he stopped pacing in front of the window overlooking the city.

‘Ok’ Magnus thought, ‘i’ll take a nice long bath, in which I can sort out whatever the fuck I am going to do about Alec, then hopefully I when I get out I will know what to do.’ Magnus nodded and headed to his master bathroom with a groan as he slammed the door behind him.

One bath and four hours later Magnus was laying face down on his bed, clothes scattered everywhere and a very angry cat perched on his back.

Magnus sighed, “At least you still love me Dorian” said cat hissed and clawed at Magnus’s back. “Hey don’t be like that, i’m the one who feeds you!” Magnus exclaimed, slowly sitting up grabbing his grey cat off his back, bringing him into his lap to pet him.

Dorian purred at the sudden attention, seeming to forget all the clothes he had to dodge from Magnus tossing them out of his closet in an attempt to find something to wear. “There you go buddy, now why can’t the world be more like you, so lovable and sweet. Instead it has to be a fucking monster that eats dreams.” Magnus sighed and put Dorian down on the bed next to him.

In his hour long search for the proper outfit he had decided on a pair of black skinny jeans and white tee shirt that said loud in pink glitter. He also added some pink eyeshadow and concealer to try to hide his bags. He honestly looked like shit, but was frankly he was too tired to care.

During his bath he had come up with a semi game plan. When he and Alec had split Alec had accidently left one of his hideous sweaters in the dryer and Magnus, showing his hoarder tendencies gently folded it and put it in a drawer to be forgotten about. But thankfully he never did, and had pulled it out about an hour ago planning to put a tracking spell on it to locate Alec’s whereabouts and hopefully corner him into some answers.

“Fuck this is a terrible plan” Magnus said out loud, only to receive a meow from Dorian, Magnus turned and smiled, “I know but it’s all I could think of Dorian.” Magnus grabbed said cats and brought him to his chest and stood, carrying him to his living room only to gently set him down on his pink couch. “When I come back be prepared for a meltdown Dorian.” Magnus said, and with a final pet he grabbed Alec’s navy blue sweater and the small vial that he had set out earlier and poured the potion onto the sweater.

The fabric started glowing a dark blue and Magnus closed his eyes for a second, relishing in the power radiating off of Alec’s sweater. He opened his eyes a moment later and began to create a portal, never dropping the piece of fabric from his past. Once it was finished Magnus brought the sweater to his chest and stepped through the portal thinking of a blue eyed boy and everything they used to share.

Magnus came out of the portal in front of what looked like an abandoned shop in the middle of a busy street, ‘why would Alec come here?’ he thought to himself. Magnus shrugged and took a step towards the building when the glamour suddenly started to melt away and in its place an adorable little cafe stood. Magnus could sense the heavy wards that were obviously put up by another warlock to keep mundanes and shadowhunters out. Magnus smiled to himself, he loved places that were strictly only for downworlders, they had them all over London hidden where you would least expect. When he was last in New York there were none that he knew of, and he was happy that America was finally catching up to London when it came to downworlders.

Magnus took in a deep breath to calm him nerves, he went to run his hands through his hair when he realized he was still clutching Alec’s sweater like it was his lifeline. He knew he should probably just toss the damn thing, as it was the most hideous thing Magnus has ever seen. And besides he had already gotten his use out of it, there was no real need for him to keep it. But he just couldn’t bring himself to throw it away and he quickly tied the sweater around his waist with a groan, compromising his less than perfect outfit in the process. Magnus took in another deep breath, ‘well here goes nothing’ he thought as he opened the door to the little cafe and stepped inside.

Once inside Magnus was hit with the pleasant aroma of coffee and fresh baked bread. He smiled, and for a moment allowed himself to imagine that he was simply here to enjoy a nice breakfast and not to put his heart out on the line. Magnus looked around, trying to find an empty table to sit when he saw him. The beautiful dark haired vampire who had been occupying his thoughts for over a hundred years, more so in the past month. Magnus was frozen in place as he took in his backside, as he was facing away from Magnus, giving his order to the yellow haired fey who was behind the counter.

Magnus wanted to move towards him but his feet seemed to be glued to the floor and his mouth felt like it was filled with sand. Magnus had not been this nervous in a long time, since the last time his asshole father Asmodeus the Prince of Hell had tried to kill him. A sudden wave of sadness washed over him and he closed his eyes to make sure his magic was in check, he took another deep breath, ‘you can do this’ he said to himself, ‘come on stop being a pussy’.

Magnus opened his eyes and headed over towards the boy-now man he supposed before he could lose his new found courage. He made it within arms length of Alec when he heard a sniffing sound and was suddenly face to face with said vamp. He did not look happy to see Magnus in the slightest if the grimace on his face and obvious anger with hints of something else was anything to go by.

Magnus’s words died in his throat as he tightly closed his mouth and gulped. “What the hell are you doing here?” Alec spat crossing his arms over his chest and widened his footing in a territorial stance. Magnus would have been intimidated if his eyes weren’t glued to the way his arms flexed from the stretch of the position. Alec made a coughing noise breaking Magnus from his trance, who managed to look up and meet Alec’s angry glare with hesitant eyes.

But as Magnus looked closer he realized that it wasn’t anger that he was seeing in Alec’s eyes, not all anger anyways, but nervousness. Now that he thought about it Alec’s stance was more frantic than anything as he kept swaying from foot to foot. Magnus narrowed his eyes, but didn’t say anything just yet. “What the fuck do you want Bane, or are you just planning on starring all day?” Alec chided with a deadly smirk. If Magnus wasn’t paying acute attention he would have missed the way Alec almost frantically looked at the door as if something was going to just out of it at any second.

Magnus sighed inwardly, ‘fine if Alec wanted to play this way then he would play alright’ he thought. He put on a smirk of his own, crossing his arms to mirror Alec’s stance, “Expecting anyone?” Magnus said with a mock sweetness, knowing how much Alec use to hate it. Alec’s expression darkened and the muscles on his arms twitched in anger.

“As a matter of fact I am, so do me a favor and fuck off.” Alec said in a mocking yet dangerous tone. Magnus’s heart nearly broke out of his chest as he thought of Alec waiting here to have breakfast with his lover. Another man that was clearly not Magnus who had come in and sweet talked his way into his Alec’s heart. A million of these thoughts were floating through his head but he didn’t let his face show it, instead he simply rolled his eyes in a nonchalant manner, pretending to look bored.

“Well excuse me for wanting a skinny caramel latte in the morning.” Magnus shot back raising his eyebrows at Alec and pursing his lips in a challenging manner. Magnus was baiting Alec, wanting to see how much he could get out of him without an all out fist fight. Alec rolled his eyes.

“It’s not morning, it’s fucking one in the afternoon” Alec spit out his voice getting louder in annoyance. ‘Fuck yeah, he took the bait’ Magnus thought as he smiled to himself. He opened his mouth to say something when the sound of the door opening and a child screaming stopped him.

“DAAADDDYY!!!” The voice of a little girl echoed through the cafe, Magnus looked up at Alec to see that he had tensed up, the anger and annoyance his eyes held just moments before was replaced with love and a hint of what looked like dread. And to Magnus’s confusion and horror the little girl ran right passed him and into Alec who had bent down just in time to grab the girl, holding her above his head and back down to his chest. All the while the little girl was squealing with delight, her long black hair falling perfectly along her small back.

“Oh Fuck.” A familiar voice spoke from behind Magnus, before he could turn to see who it was the little girl who was cradled in Alec’s arms turned to see the voice as well, only for her gaze to land on him, and her face lit up with happiness.

“BUTTURFLY MAN!!!” She exclaimed loudly, “DADDY WOOK IT’S THE BUTTURFLY MAN” She yelled, all the while yanking on Alec’s shirt roughly. Magnus was confused for all of three seconds and his jaw dropped upon recognition. There in Alec’s arm’s was the girl who had sparked Magnus’s trip down memory lane with Alec as the centerpiece. The little girl who had run into Magus in Central Park on his first day back to New York. The little girl who had, no has Alec’s eyes, was apparently the same little girl who had just called Alec daddy as she jumped into his loving arms.

Magnus’s head was spinning and he felt like he was going to be sick. _‘Alec has a daughter, Alec has a daughter’_ just kept going through his mind on a loop. Magnus’s head was a mess of scattered thoughts and his heart a disaster of emotions but none of it showed on his carefully blank face, he was sure of that. Magnus took a deep breath and smiled at the little girl in Alec’s strong arms.

“Well hello to you too buttercup, nice to see you again.” Magnus exclaimed with as much fake happiness as he could muster. The little girl beamed and focused her eyes on him causing Magnus to nearly choked at how much life was present in those big bright blue eyes. Magnus remembered once when Alec’s eyes had looked same. The little girl clapped her hands together drawing Magnus’s attention back to the present.

“BUTTURFLY I WANT BUTTURFLY PWEEASE!” the little girl screamed causing Magnus to chuckle.

“Alright only because you asked nicely” was Magnus’s reply, as he made a show of clapping his hands together and producing a butterfly as he opened them back up. The little girl let out a shriek followed by a storm of giggles as the butterfly circled her head and landed on her nose, as it did the day they first met. Magnus smiled at the sight and he watched the little girl, his smile quickly faded as he saw the look of hate and seething anger that was present on Alec’s face.

“So it looks like you two know each other.” Alec said behind clenched teeth, “How is it that you know each other.” Alec spit with a quiet rage, his blue eyes never leaving Magnus’s amber ones. A voice from behind him spoke up before he got the chance to respond.

“Well, when I took Julia to the park we- well she quite literally ran into him, it was pretty funny actually amigo.” Magnus then realised that the voice belonged to none other than Raphael, then it all started to click into place. All of Raphael’s cryptic talk about a third person and about how circumstances would unfold, it all made sense now. He was hiding the fact that Alec was alive, and that the little girl belonged to him. Magnus felt a pang of jealousy over whoever the other half of this child was, as they had so clearly contributed to a huge part in Alec’s life. ‘But how was it possible?’ he thought, ‘vampires can’t have kids’ or so he thought anyways. Magnus shook his head and turned his attention back to the conversation and the problem at hand.

“So you both knew” Alec said in disbelief, “You knew that Magnus was back and you didn’t bother to mention it to me. After everything I went through-” Alec cut himself off, clenching his teeth hard and moving his weight from foot to foot in an obvious attempt to relieve anger without bothering the little girl and the magic blue butterfly in his arms. Another voice spoke up, one that was not Raphael that Magnus realized belonged to Simon.

“He only knew a few hours before you did, and I actually found out through you to be fair.” Simon added in Raphael’s defense. Magnus simply stayed quiet, trying to paste together all that was being said. Alec let out an a bitter laugh, which was really more a disbelieving sigh.

“And neither of you thought to tell me that my daughter met and obviously took a liking to Magnus Fu-” Alec stopped himself from cursing as he side glanced at the little girl who sat oblivious to the conversation in his arms. “To Magnus Bane” Alec choked out anger bleeding into every word. Raphael went to speak when Alec cut them off with the raise of his hand. “It doesn’t matter now, we’ll talk about it later, just take Julia and leave.” Alec spoke in a dismissive tone, handing over the black haired girl to Simon who surprisingly didn’t protest. Raphael only rolled his eyes,

“Of course” he said bitterly, “whatever see you at home” he glared at Alec, only to move his gaze to Magnus. “It was nice seeing you again Magnus!” Raphael said with a smile as he hugged Magnus making sure to glare at Alec over his shoulder. Magnus smiled back at his old friend that he had known for centuries.

“It was great seeing you too, stay in touch yeah?” Raphael smiled and nodded, as he turned to put an arm around Simon’s back who was currently holding the excited girl. Magnus gave a small smile to Simon who returned it. He then produced two tiny blue butterflies to kiss the little girl- Julia on each of her cheeks, in which he received a squeal of laughter. “Bye buttercup” Magnus said in a singsong way causing the little girl to giggle, “Don’t forget me now” He said as he crossed his arms and pointed at the the girl. She simply nodded as they three made their way out of the rather empty cafe.

Magnus took in a deep breath and slowly turned to to meet the gaze of a closed off Alec. He went to speak but was silenced by Alec with a flick of his wrist. Magnus stayed quiet and held his breath as Alec approached Magnus, crowding him into a table.

“I never want to see you near my little girl again do you hear me.” Magnus went to protest but was silenced again by Alec, “shut up and listen, you leave her out of this, she has nothing to do with you and I want to keep it that way. She is my daughter and what I say goes, do you understand.” Alec whispered in a deadly voice, Magnus simply nodded as he felt that was all he could do. “Now stay away from us” Alec added as he finally stepped back and Magnus let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

 

“Fine” was all Magnus said, he didn’t want to fight anymore, not now in the middle of a cafe at least. “I won’t go near you daughter and poison her with my disgusting warlock self” Alec flinched at that, and Magnus couldn’t understand why, nor did he really care in the moment as he turned around and stalked out of that horrid cafe. Leaving a smirking vampire behind as Alec had recognized the sweater that was lazily tied around Magnus’s waist, and secretly hoped that he had hurt Magnus at least somewhat as he watched said warlock leave the cafe with a defeated look.

 

Raphael

“These two are really making a mess of things aren’t they” Raphael asked Simon who had just sat down from putting Julia down for her nap. Simon snorted in response as he put his feel up on the couch and layed his head in Raphael's lap, who started to play with the hair almost instantly, rubbing Simon’s scalp in the process. A small moan escaped from said boy’s lips causing Raphael to smirk.

“I honestly don’t know what Alec’s problem is, he needs Magnus, why is he pushing him away?” Simon responded, as he slowly let his eyes drift closed. Raphael sighed, as he added a second hand and started to move downwards towards Simon's shoulders, working out some of the knots there, earning him another moan in the process, this one louder.

“It’s simple really, Magnus really hurt Alec, of course he is not gonna forgive him after seeing him twice. Hell I’m surprised there wasn’t any blood involved honestly.” Simon let out a laugh at that, causing his shoulder’s to shake in Raphael’s hands.

“Yeah I guess you're right Raph” Simon whispered, as he felt the tension leave his body. Raphael chuckled.

“Of course i’m right, now get some sleep before the little tike wakes up” Simon only hummed in response as he gave in and relaxed completely, slowly giving in to sleep. Raphael sighed, moving his hands back up to Simon’s hair, tangling his fingers into curly locks, and thought about what had went down today.

He was going to have to talk to Magnus tomorrow, tell him to not give up hope on Alec just yet, after all his walls were fucking brutal to climb over nowadays. And if Magnus was serious about wanting to be back in Alec’s life then he would have to be the one to fix things because he certainly didn’t see Alec being the one to do a damn thing about that relationship, except make it worse maybe. He sighed again, ‘Dios those two really were making a mess of things.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh! I am so sorry this chapter took so long! I've been super busy and I have actually been writing later chapters of this fic and just haven't wanted work on this one. Well its done now thank god! I hope there will never be another long break like that in updating this fic, and I promise all of you that it will be finished! 
> 
> I hope you like it! Comments are appreciated!!!


	7. Opening Doors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus gets some much needed hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After all this time here is a new chapter!

~Simon~

Simon hesitantly looked up at the big apartment complex that he hadn’t stepped foot in or even looked at for what felt like a lifetime. ‘Raphy seriously owes me big time’ He thought as he pushed open the door and went up the stairs two at a time. When he got to what he thought was the warlocks door he knocked twice and waited. He could hear the faint sound of what sounded like a love song drifting through the heavy wooden door. Simon rolled his eyes and knocked again, this time louder.

“Magnus it’s Simon, I know you’re in there I can hear the music.” Simon screamed at the door, trying to get the stubborn warlock inside to cooperate. The music only seemed to get louder in retaliation causing Simon to curse and bang on the door so hard the wall around it started to shake. “Magnus please I just want to talk” Simon screamed as he rolled his eyes clearly annoyed. He was about to knock again when the music got quieter and he heard the shuffle of feet inside. 

Simon was about to fist bump in satisfaction when the door swung open so fast it hit him in the hip causing him to grimace, “Ow what the hell Magnus?” Simon spoke between clenched teeth as he began to rub his hip in circular motions, trying to ease the pain. Magnus only rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest in annoyance. 

“Well why the fuck were you standing so goddamn close to my door?” Magnus snapped, Simon glared up at him, as Magnus was quite a bit taller than he was.

“Actually I was the appropriate distance away from your door, you just decided to open it like you’re the fucking Hulk” Simon spoke back, still rubbing his side even though the pain had gone. Magnus only rolled his eyes again, tapping his foot like he had a million other places to be then talking to Simon. 

“Well if you are just going to criticize me about how I open my fucking door then you can just leave.” Simon threw up his hands in frustration, and let out and groan shaking his head slightly,

“I came here to give you some advise about your wannabe lover, but apparently you don’t want it. Which is fine with me, you’ve done a great job of winning him over by yourself so far” Simon spit voice dripping with sarcasm. Magnus’s eyes widened for a split second in disbelief before he schooled his features and glared halfheartedly at Simon. 

“Fine you can come in Steven, but don’t expect me to wait on you i’m in no mood to play host today.” Magnus said as he moved over slightly to allow Simon into his apartment. 

“It’s Simon, I mean come on it’s been over a century, it’s not like it’s a hard name to remember!” Simon complained as he walked past Magnus and plopped himself onto the fluffy pink couch as if he owned the place. Magnus simply smiled at him in fake sweetness before joining him on the small couch keeping a good distance between them. 

“Well i’m over 400 years old you can’t expect me to remember everyone's name.” Magnus simply stated, pretending to check his perfectly manicured hand for flaws. Simon rolled his eyes,

“Oh good I was starting to think it was because you don’t like me” Simon said in mock kindness, shooting a playful smile at the warlock. Magnus smiled back at him, clearly forced,  
“Never, I love spending time with you Stan” he shot back, clasping his hands together in emphasize. Simon’s smile turned into a grimace and he gritted his teeth,

“It’s Simon” he said clearly annoyed. he was beginning to wish he hadn’t come and just went to get a bloody mary extra bloody at Taki’s instead. 

“Of course it is, now what’s so important that you decided to come all the way over here to tell me in person?” Magnus asked, trying to project nonchalant but failing. Simon took in a deep breath, trying to prepare himself mentally to address the elephant that was in the room. 

“Well it’s about Alec” Simon stated, the result was almost instantaneous, Magnus visibly tensed and his eyes went stone cold as if he was trying to block out any emotions he felt when it came to the black headed vamp. 

“Then I don’t think this conversation is necessary, Alec obviously hates me you were there, you saw how he acted, he doesn’t want anything to do with me.” Magnus said, head lowered in sadness, his voice barely over a whisper. But it didn’t matter, Simon heard every word due to his heightened sense of hearing, ‘another perk to being a vampire’ he thought to himself. Simon shrugged and let out a sigh, it wasn’t as if Magnus’s thoughts were unwarranted, he saw the way Alec treated Magnus the other day in the cafe and he could totally understand why the warlock would be giving up hope. Hell Simon would also give up hope. But that may have been because he had to listen to Alec bitch and scream about how much he hated Magnus since he found out he was back in New York, but he wasn’t about to tell Magnus that. 

“Look Magnus” Simon started, sitting up from his reclined position on the couch and placed his elbows on his knees, lacing his fingers together. “I know how Alec can be; when he wants to shut you out he can be fucking vicious.” Simon let out a humorless laugh, “He can make you feel like you're the dirtiest piece of shit in the world if you piss him off. And that’s only if you drink one of his fucking beers” Simon said rolling his eyes as he remembered the hell Alec put him through over a fucking drink. He was startled out of his daydream by Magnus’s voice,

“Alec drinks?” came the warlocks questioning voice, he sounded so uncertain with himself, as if debating whether or not he deserved to know anything about Alec. The question took Simon by surprise and a laugh escaped his lips before he could stop it.

“Oh yeah Alec definitely drinks” Simon said, shaking his head in emphasize. Magnus looked taken aback by this and in all honesty Simon couldn’t blame him, when the warlock had known Alec he could barely hold down one beer without getting hella tipsy, now he could drink a fucking six pack without even getting a buzz. 

Simon shook his head, thinking back to how much Alec had changed since he had first met him. He laughed to himself as he thought of how much Alec had hated him when they first met, and now he was one of the few people that Alec let into his life. Simon dragged his fingers through his hair, messing up his already messy curls in the process. “Okay look, I didn’t come here to talk to you about Alec’s drinking problem.” Simon stated looking the warlock next to him in the eye.

“Well then what did you come here to talk about?” Magnus questioned crossing his legs towards the vampire. Simon smiled slightly at the warlock, 

“I know you care about Alec, I can see it in your face right now actually,” Simon started, Magnus looked slightly taken aback by this but Simon didn’t stop to address it, “It’s just Alec has been through a lot of shit since you’ve known him…” He was cut off by Magnus,

“Yeah like having a daughter.” The warlock said bitterly crossing his arms over his chest. Simon only laughed at that,

“Yeah having a daughter is part of that.” Simon said between his laughter, Magnus only glared at him,

“I thought vampires couldn’t have kids.” Magnus spit out looking down at his hands as if they held all the answers and not the vampire sitting next to him. Simon ran his fingers through his hair again and shook his head,

“That’s what we thought too,” Simon sighed loudly, “It really isn’t my story to tell you Magnus.” Said warlock merely shook his head and looked up at Simon,

“I know i’m sorry” Magnus said, voice small. Simon shook his head and sat back against the couch

“Don’t worry about it.” Simon said, dismissing it with a wave of his hand. “Like I was saying, I can see that you want to be back in Alec’s life and i’m not saying that you should give up but it’s going to be hard.” Simon shook his head, “He’s been through more than you know and he is really fucking guarded because of it. Hell he barely lets me and Raphy in and we’re practically family. I’m just saying he is not going to be the one to take the steps it takes to fix the relationship between you two. He’s more likely to trying and burn it down in all honesty. He doesn’t trust people easily and i'm sorry to say this but you broke his trust and he is not going to forgive that easily. But if you are serious about wanting to come back into his life then it’s on you to put the work in. But you left him once when it got hard and if you're not willing to tough it up and stick around to make it right then you should just give up now, because I can tell you right now it won’t be easy, not when it comes to Alec.” 

The two sat there in silence, Magnus going over what Simon had just told him in his head. Simon was beginning to think that he wasn’t going to say anything at all when he finally spoke,

“Do you think he will ever forgive me?” Magnus questioned, voice small but hopeful. Simon smiled up at the warlock, all teeth this time,

“Yeah I think he will.” Simon said standing up. Magnus looked up at him and returned his smile standing up as well and walked the vampire to the door and opened it for him. Simon was about to walk through the door when Magnus spoke again,

“Thanks Simon.” Came the warlocks voice, all annoyance and contempt gone. Simon looked back at Magnus,

“I didn’t do it for you, I want to see Alec happy, and I think you are the person who can do that for him” Simon stated matter of factly as he stepped out of the door and waved goodbye to the warlock walking towards the steps and out of the building. What he did not see was the hopeful smile that overtook the warlocks features at his words, nor did he see the new spark that he had set deep inside of him. One thing was for certain, Magnus was not going to give up, not that easily anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for such a long break, but I am happy to be writing again! For all the people reading this I am sooo sorry for not updating. The truth is I kinda lost interest in this story but I am going to power through for all of you. I'm glad I started writing though because it renewed my love for this story! It will be finished and I will update soon, hopefully in this next week, so keep your eyes opened! I love you all and I hope you guys liked this new chapter! Leave a comment!


	8. Whiskey, Blood and Sex

~Raphael~

Raphael looked up from where he was sitting on the couch with a scowl expecting to see a certain asshole when he was greeted by a head of messy brown curls in his face and arms full of Simon. Raphael’s scowl melted into a soft smile as he started stroking the boy currently on top of him. “I take it the visit with Magnus didn’t go well” Raphael spoke into Simon’s curls, kissing the top of his head in the process. He felt more then heard Simon sigh as he snuggled deeper into Raphael’s embrace, causing him to smile and hug his small boyfriend closer to his chest. 

“Well I wouldn’t say it was terrible, I mean it was kinda awkward at the beginning but I think I got through to him in the end.” Simon said, his voice muffled from where his face was pressed against Raphael’s chest. “How did it go with Alec? Did you talk some sense into him?” Simon questioned, Raphael’s jaw clenched in response and his hold on the boy in his arms tightened.

“It was kinda hard to do that with the fact that he still hasn’t fucking come home yet.” Raphael spoke, anger and annoyance seeping into his voice. “He’s been gone since the cafe, off on one if his fucking binges again. And guess where Julia is, with us once again. I mean I love her to death and will do anything for her you know that, but she isn’t our daughter and we are the ones raising her and i’m fucking sick if it.” 

Raphael began tapping Simon’s back rhythmically, frustration leaking into his movements. “She needs her father to be in her life, and not just for a couple of hours every other weekend while he is shitfaced.” Raphael face scrunched up in annoyance, “Oh and can you believe the nerve he had at the cafe? Getting mad at me for Julia accidently meeting Magnus?” Raphael let out an angry laugh, “Like he thinks he has a say in her life, he wants to forbid someone from seeing her and he isn’t even fucking around!” Raphael spoke, disbelief and annoyance clear in his tone. 

“Lets face it, she thinks we're her fucking parents and Alec is some deadbeat uncle that comes around every once in awhile to play tea with her!” Raphael spit, anger pouring off of him in waves. Simon groaned sitting up slightly to look his boyfriend in the face. 

“At least you’re taking it well” said Simon sarcastically as his face split into a shit eating grin. Raphael rolled his eyes playfully.

“Ha ha aren’t you clever” He said in fake annoyance, sarcasm clearly there as he grabbed Simon around the waist and squeezed slightly causing him to giggle and squirm on his lap. Raphael smirked at the sound, “And cute too, like a puppy that keeps peeing on the carpet” he said teasingly, as he held onto his squirming boyfriend tighter. “You get annoyed and mad at the damn thing but can’t help petting it and telling it that it’s a good boy.” Raphael raised his eyebrows at his boyfriend and began rubbing his head and making cooing sounds. 

Simon swatted his hand away playfully, opening his mouth to no doubt retaliate against his boyfriends words, when the door in front of them burst open and in came a staggering Alec. stinking of whiskey, blood and sex, making Raphael’s nose crinkle in disgust, and his anger came back full force. 

Simon sensing the change in his boyfriends demeanor, got up and put his hand on Raphael's shoulder, silently telling him to calm down. Raphael took in a deep breath of air that he didn’t need anymore, willing the anger that was bubbling inside him to calm. 

“I’m going to go get Julia and take her to the park,” Simon spoke as his grip on Raphael’s shoulder tightened in a clear warning. Raphael looked up at his boyfriend and nodded, throwing him a quick half smile before looking back to the drunk vamp as he managed to just barely fall onto the couch. 

“Yeah why don’t you do that Simon” Raphael spoke, Simon let go of his shoulder with a final squeeze and headed off into the direction of Julia’s bedroom. He heard the door open and then a loud squeal of what sounded like ‘Seema’ and then a plethora of ‘yay park’, causing him to smile. Ais anger dissipating slightly as his mind brought up pictures of Simon and Julia at the park together. She would no doubt make Simon go down the slide with her a billion times, and the thought of his boyfriend squeezing into the small slide built for kids never failed to bring a smile to his face. 

Simon walked out of the room with a squirming Julia in his arms, who was all smiles and giggles. When she saw Raphael she gave him a big toothy grin and waved her arms frantically in his direction, obviously wanting to be held by him instead of Simon. 

He grinned back at her and got up from his spot on the couch and grabbed her out of Simon’s arms, lifting her in the air and bringing her back down again in a swinging motion. The little girl erupted in laughter, and quickly threw her arms out by her sides to mimic an airplanes. Raphael brought her up and down a few more times before pulling her to him and placing a light kiss on her forehead, earning him a giggle and a sloppy wet kiss to his cheek in return. 

“Pawk wif us?” Julia questioned, tilting her head to one side in question. Her baby talk making it hard but not impossible to understand the tiny girl. Raphael shook his head at her,

“No chiquitita, it’s just you and Simon today, I have to stay and talk to your daddy right now. But you and Simon have fun.” The minute Raphael mentioned her father, Julia’s eyes whipped around the living room until they fell on her father’s sleeping form. Alec had fallen asleep almost instantly after falling onto the couch. No doubt exhausted from doing god knows what for three days straight. 

Raphael’s anger returned slightly at the sight of Alec sprawled peacefully out on the couch, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. ‘He was sorely mistaken if he thought he was going to get off this easily’ Raphael thought, as he turned his attention back to the little girl in his arms. She had a small frown on her face as she looked down at her father, she no doubt smelled him just as Raphael and Simon had, as she moved her hand up to her face to cover her nose from the smell. 

“Daddy ok?” She questioned, eyes full of concern as she brought her free hand to tangle in the hair at the back of Raphael’s neck. She only did that when she was nervous or scared, and Raphael felt his anger return tenfold at the sight of Julia scared for her father’s wellbeing. ‘Oh he is going to get it’ Raphael thought as he gritted his teeth to relieve some of the tension that had crept itself into his body. 

“Yeah he is fine, just tired” Raphael spoke, trying to play nonchalant but failing miserably. Julia looked up at him, eyes big and full of doubt. Raphael smiled at her, trying to erase the doubt that was so clearly in her mind. “Don’t worry your little head, i’m here to take care of him, you don’t doubt my skills do you?” Raphael joked, raising his eyebrows at the girl and placed an over dramatic frown on his face. The little girl giggled slightly and brought her face into the bottom of Raphael’s neck cradling her arms against his chest. 

“Nope” he heard her whisper against his neck. He felt a small smile come to his lips without his consent, how this little girl could make him melt in a second was beyond him. He hugged her back for a minute, just enjoying the moment until Julia pulled away and gestured to be picked up by Simon who readily took her from Raphael. Without the pressure of holding Julia in his arms he already felt some of the tension returning, making him frown slightly. 

“Okay you two have fun, and no running with her on your back Simon, Dios I swear someone is going to see you one day and take you to a lab and do freaky experiments on you.” Raphael warned, a slight teasing smirk coming onto his face. Simon just rolled his eyes at this, last week when he took Julia to the park she accidently told Raphael that Simon would run around with her on his back. Which wouldn’t be a problem except he was a vampire, and humans tend to not understand how someone could physically run that fast. 

When Raphael had found out he had been furious, yelling at Simon for his blatant disregard for his and Julia’s safety. In all honestly Raphael had been terrified, what if someone did see them and decided to take the two of them to do some wierd testing. Just the thought of anyone even touching them had his blood boiling. He was snapped out of his head by Julia’s giggling, he looked up to see Simon smiling down at the little girl, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Oh don’t worry Raphy, we’ll be fine” Raphael gave him a look that said he wasn’t entirely buying this, but nodded and moved out of the way so they could reach to door. He watched as the two of them walked out of the flat, Julia begging Simon to take her to get ice cream the last thing he heard until the door closed behind them. 

Raphael let out a sigh as he let his attention drift over to sleeping mass on the couch that was Alec. Raphael felt his anger build up again as he took in the pathetic form in front of him. He could see blood on Alec’s shirt, from god knows where, he stunk so bad that Raphael was sure he would have to bleach to couch to get the smell out. 

And he was shit faced, again, Raphael clenched his hands, digging his short nails into his palms in an attempt to not grab Alec and beat the holy hell out of him. He was about to give in and throw him against the wall when Alec turned on the couch giving Raphael a good look at him. His eyes were red and puffy, and he could see some dried streaks of blood on his face, Raphael sucked in a breath, Alec has been crying. ‘Why had he been crying’ Raphael thought as he slowly crossed his arms in front of his chest. 

One word popped almost instantly into Raphael’s head, causing his to let out a sigh as he fell back down against the couch. ‘Magnus’ that’s the only logical thing that Raphael could come up with. Alec seeing Magnus that day at that cafe was what set him off on his latest bingers but that wasn’t the odd thing. Alec always found a reason to do that, he had been doing it since he became a vampire. Disappearing for days, not telling anyone where he was going or when he would be back. Just leaving one day and coming back whenever the hell he felt like it.

No that wasn’t the thing that stood out to Raphael, what made the older vamp concerned was the fact that Alec was clearly upset. Forcing himself to deal with something alone that Raphael had yet to uncover; something that obviously involves Magnus. 

Raphael brought his hand up to the bridge of his nose, trying to rub out the headache that he could feel forming there. All the while he was racking his brain trying to remember Alec and Magnus’s relationship from way back when. 

It wasn’t much, as Raphael wasn’t that close to them at the time, to absorbed in his new fledgling that had stolen his heart. From the looks of it they had been pretty happy, they even lived together for a while if Raphael remembered correctly. But what he did know was that their relationship did not end well. With Magnus accusing him of trying to take away his immortality or whatever and then running off to prance all over Europe. 

Alec had been devastated, choosing to lock himself in his room, only coming out to help his siblings on missions. He was also starting to drink more and more, and if Raphael remembered correctly he was drunk the night that Raphael was forced into turning him into a vampire to save his life. The thing is no one really knew what happened the night that Alec had been jumped, and not because of lack of effort on their part that's for sure.

After the incident Alec had claimed that he couldn’t remember anything. Which isn’t uncommon for near death changes, but that obviously wasn’t the case with Alec. You could see it written all over his face, well at least Raphael could, Alec remembered he just refused to talk about it. 

This bothered Raphael, which is pretty normal considering that Alec was one of children as he sired him. But putting all that aside it bothered him on a deeper level. He hated seeing Alec so miserable and not knowing what to do to help him. Watching him become a shell of a person and not being able to do anything to stop it. Watching a loved one self destruct was never easy. 

Raphael felt his jaw set in determination. He was going to find out what the hell was wrong with Alec god dammit, and whatever it was they were going to fix it together, or at least try to. Raphael had a good feeling that this was somehow connected to Magnus but he wasn’t exactly sure how yet.

He let out a sigh, shaking his head as he stood up, walking his way to the other couch he carefully shook the fragile boy awake. Alec stirred slowly, groggily looking up at Raphael with tired eyes. “We need to talk” Raphael spoke, voice soft but stern. 

Alec, even shitfaced and exhausted sensed the seriousness in Raphael’s tone, eyes going wide as they frantically shifted towards the door looking for a quick escape. “Oh no your not.” Raphael said, shaking his head and looking pointedly at Alec, telling him with his eyes that he had read his train of thought and was not impressed. “You’re not getting out of this, not this time”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally have no excuse for not posting. School is crazy, I'm taking two math classes, and two sciences classes which keeps me super busy. This story is just about to pick up so I'm kinda excited. I will be finishing this story it just seems to be going slow and steady.


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